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Building Strong Young Children |
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Wisdom shared by Paula PrideauxTopics include· Moral Training · Right Beginnings · Love Languages· The Father’s Mandate · Child’s Conscience· Character Training · Building a Healthy Family
Growing strong children How to raise a morally responsive and biblically responsive child • You do not break a child’s spirit by teaching, training, correcting and living to God’s standard; That only strengthens a child. But you can rob a child of its dignity through improper parenting.”p195 Moral Training• Purpose-for others to see Christ in us and to bring children to God’s standard• 3 principles of moral instruction-• 1 God• Starting point of moral training is the parents- teach and validate in everyday life• Take place during normal activities. Deuteronomy 6:4-7 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength. And these words I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”• More positive to frame instructions positively than negatively• Teach moral lessons positively in a non confrontational situation.• Teach children how to think morally accompanied by moral reasons.• Guard against legalism- context Right Beginnings• Most influence over your children as your role of husband and wife• The husband and wife relationship must be viewed as the priority relationship-together you are the head and heart of the family• All other relationships must be subject to it• Child centred parenting creates ongoing problems• Achieving a balance and meeting needs• Children are the welcome members of your family but not the centre of it.• The relationship you have with your child in the early years will be that of a parent, teacher and a governor but not a peer Love Languages• Communicating love through-• Words of encouragement• Acts of service• Gift- Giving• Quality time• Physical touch and closenessLove languages will begin to emerge in your child before seven but become more noticeable after seven. The Father’s Mandate• Cultivate a sense of family identity• Demonstrate ongoing love for your wife• Understand your child’s private world• Give your child freedom to fail• Encourage your child• Guard your tongue and tone• Routinely embrace your child• Build trust in God’s word Child’s Conscience• Primary Conscience• Moral Conscience- Heart training• The Moral Conscience can be trained• Virtues –honesty, respect, fairness, wisdom, honour, gentleness and patience in their heart• If a child does not grow up with self control-there will be a discrepancy between his knowledge and behaviour.• Positive Conscience- “ I ought to do this because it is right.” Or “ I ought not to do it because it is wrong.” • Prohibitive Conscience “ I must or else I will get punished.” Positive development takes place when parents build into a child’s conscience why right is right wrong is wrong role models Character Development• Respect• Honour• HonestyParents must live out these values to show children what moral truth looks like Character Training• Authority• Parents -robbing chn joy of doing right• Elders• Peers and siblings• Property of others• Nature• Leading by authority to leading by influence• Obedience verses submission Respect for Peers, property & Nature• Peers- an attitude of thankfulness when something good happens to a peer• Cultivate an otherness sensitivity-chores• Cultivate an attitude of thankfulness-fair• Respect for property- social need• Stewardship responsibility- common own• Respect for nature• Respect for labour-paid choresObedienceGod requires obedience from his children above all else.Parents undermine the process if they use• Threatening and repeating• Bribing• Negotiating in conflict Principles of Instruction• Principle 1- When you speak to a child in a way that requires an action or answer expect an immediate response• Principle 2- Never give a command unless you expect it to be obeyed- 5 minute warning. Door of escape. Remembering the context• Principle 3 When a child continually disobeys he is in sin. When parents continually reinforce disobedience they are in sin Children’s Responses• Self generated initiative• Prompted initiative• Forced initiative- right action wrong attitude• Suppressed initiative- wrong actions , wrong attitude• A child’s feeling of acceptance and sense of approval is completely related to the standard of behaviour required by parents Discipline• Discipline= heart training, an ongoing relationship between a parent and a child• A process of training and learning that fosters moral development• The positive aspects of biblical discipline are synonymous with education and guidance as they emphasize inner growth, parental responsibility and self control. Ways to discipline-Encouragement• Instruction• Use patience, guidance and motivation to develop your child’s skills- • verbal praise• cause-effect unexpected• goal setting• encouragement- verbal reminder-• positive instruction• verbal confirmation and touch• rewards Discipline with correction• The type of correction depends on the presence or absence of evil motive• The frequency of the offence• The age of the child• The context of the moment• The overall characterisation of behaviour Parental Response• Minor infractions that call for verbal correction• Infractions needing action-more than a verbal reprimand• Offences that require the full weight of the law• Punishment must fit the crime- under punishing or over punishing cause problems Building a healthy family• Interdependence verses independence• Build a family identity-• read after dinner• Allow children to plan family nights• Let them participate in building family nights• Walking together-dates• Belong to a moral community Stages of Parenting• Phase 1-Discipline• Phase 2-Training• Phase 3-Coaching• Phase 4-Friendship Pray for your Children• Be specific• Pray scripture passages aloud• Write down your prayers• Pray in accordance with God’s will• Pray for children’s future scripturesI will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessings on your descendants.Isaiah 44V3 I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32v 27 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children, and to their children after them. Deuteronomy 4v9 Give up your worries and plans for your provision to one who knows the number of hairs on the head of each of his children .Matthew 10v20. (“ The number of hairs on a child’s head is always changing. To know the exact number at any one time, God must get very close to them and place His very hand on the heads of your sons and daughters.”p 15 HTPFYC) “ Lord teach us how to pray.” Luke 11 v1 References Ezzo, G & A.E. (2002) Let the Children come along the virtuous way – Growing Kids God’s way, Australia Growing Families Ltd Shearer, Q with Garlock, R (1998) How to pray for your Children, U.S.A. Regal Dobson, J (2003) Parent’s Answer Book, U.S.A. Tyndale |
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