|
Building Strong Teenagers |
|
|
|
Wisdom shared by Les & Karen StandleyTopics Include · Nurture your Marriage· Dating our Children · Preparing for Adolescence Weekends· What else? · When the going gets tough
Raising Teenagersn We’re not experts – just parents struggling to do the best for their family.n We’re all sinners! – realise you will make many mistakes and so will your children.n Continually seek to be a learner.n Read Godly books.n Ask for help!n Be part of a church family.n Build your support network – all ages.n Allow and encourage others to influence your children in a positive way.n Realise you can’t do it all by yourself – you need God and others. Pray.*** Don’t be just their friend. They need parents who are willing to make unpopular decisions and guide them. Nurture your marriage!n One of the best things you can do for your children is to keep your relationship strong!n Find opportunities to work on your marriage.n Marriage courses.n Read good books.n Weekends away alone at least once a year. Don’t feel guilty about leaving your children behind. Make it an adventure for them too to go to Grandparents etc.n Date after the marriage – not just before.n Be affectionate in front of your kids.n Network with others to give opportunities for marriage time.n Once a fortnight/month send your children overnight to friends. The dating couple get to go out that night and don’t pick the children up till the next day. They provide the food for the babysitting couple and the tribe of kids. Swap roles next fortnight. Dating our Childrenv One child with one parent.v Put it on your calendar and stick to it.v Set a budget.v Child decides what the outing will consist of.v Anticipate the outing.v Take a camera.v Focus on the date, try to leave other concerns behind. v What!!!! – Pizza Hut, fish and chips on the beach, bowling, mini-golf, staying at home and setting up the TV/DVD in Mum and Dad’s bedroom and watching movies and eating purchased goodies, Sizzlers, MacDonald’s for breakfast and shopping for a new toy, picnic at chosen gardens, go to movies. Suggest alternatives and see what your child comes up with. Preparing for Adolescence WeekendsPreparing for Adolescence family tape pack (Dr. James Dobson) n Year 7 getaways – child with same/sex parent. If you wait any longer, they will be too embarrassed to talk and you need to prepare them for the challenges ahead before they hit high school.n Make it special, budget for it. We went to Dunoon at Picnic Bay on Magnetic Island.n Took our children out of school for one day – went Friday and Saturday nights. You need 3 days to do it justice.n Plan the menu together. Discuss expectations before you go. Balance the time with fun together, one special outing that costs money and is chosen by the child and time spent listening to the tapes.n Be prepared – listen to the tapes before you go. Write down ideas for what you want to discuss.n Use it as a resource of ideas. We changed some of the suggestions. 2 parent tapes and 6 child tapes.n Stop the tapes frequently to talk about it. Allow your child to ask difficult questions. Be honest. Allow your child to discuss other topics that don’t come up on the tape.n Treat your child as an emerging adult. We made this a time to tell them “family secrets” and to discuss how bad choices can impact on your life forever. n Start on the tapes early. Do 3 on the first day. Spread it out. n Tell your child that there will be difficult days ahead as they go through adolescence and struggle to establish their own identity. Tell them that when the time comes, you will remind them of this conversation. Sweet 16v Marked this as a special time of growing up and being allowed to date (with emphasis on keeping themselves pure for their marriage partner).v Individualised to our kids. Time of talking with both parents.v Kylie – surprise party - progressive restaurant dress up date with Mum and Dad - gift of promise ringv Melanie – surprise weekend to a bed and breakfast with Mum on Magnetic Island - gift of promise ringv Joshua – weekend at Balgal Beach with Mum, Dad and Grandma. - gift of watch What else?n Make church an important part of your life – encourage them to find a church, not necessarily yours as they get older. When they are younger, involve them in camps, Sunday School, youth groups. Be part of the leadership.n Share your faith.n Create special memories and traditions within your family. They will remember them far more than you do. q Support them at their special moments in life. Be there!q Don’t let them grow up too quickly – toys provided, clothes choices, movies and TV viewed.Write them letters and put it away somewhere special. They may come back to these later when they are struggling or when you are not there. q Keep communication open eg. Parent report card.q Encourage healthy friendships. Be prepared to protect your child from unhealthy friendships. “Be friendly and caring to everyone, but choose your close friends wisely.”q Realise they still need you when they are teenagers as much as when they were little – just different. Somehow find the time! This gets harder! q Cheer them on! Let them know you believe in them!q Be a team. Realise you both have strengths and weaknesses as parents. Support each other and encourage the other person to use their strengths. When you have disagreements, try to sort it out behind closed doors. Praise your partner’s strengths in front of the kids.q Don’t give them too much. Encourage them to have some financial independence and to earn their way, so they appreciate it and develop a sense off self worth! When the going gets tough.n Grit your teeth and hang in there.n Remember that it’s hard for them too – try to listen to their struggles/feelings.n Try to keep things in perspective. n Tell them you love them every day (even when you don’t like them at the moment).n Keep sharing your faith.n Pray for them. Cling to God’s promises.n Share your struggles with them too. Ask them to be there for you when you are struggling.n Ask others to pray for them. n Say sorry! There’s a huge need for repentance and forgiveness within your relationship. n Keep up the physical touch. (perhaps not in front of their friends, although this will vary too).n Have a support network so there are others they can go to with their struggles (and so you have someone to talk to and get support from). Encourage inter-generational relationships. What would we change?n We’d try to create more traditions.n Try to open our house more to others and worry less about what the house looked like.n Go camping when the kids were younger. n The fact is - you have limited time, energy, money, knowledge and often you muddle through the best you can. You would never be a perfect parent, no matter how many times you “tried again”. Keep trying, forgive yourself when you fail and try again. Bibliographyv The Blessing (Gary Smalley & John Trent) ***v Psalty Kids Bible ***v Hide & Seek (Dr. James Dobson)v Toddler Taming (Dr. James Dobson)v How to drug proof your kids – Focus on the Family course (phone 1300 300 361)v Preparing for Adolescence family tape pack (Dr. James Dobson) ***v The Five Love Languages of Teenagers (Gary Chapman) ***v She Calls Me Daddy (Robert Wolgemuth)v The Family Compass – Practical, intentional ways to pass Godly values onto your child (Kurt & Olivia Bruner)v Your Heritage – How to be intentional about the legacy you leave (J.Otis Ledbetter & Kurt Bruner)v Extending Your Heritage – Practical intentional ways to influence your family and beyond (J. Otis Ledbetter & Randy Scott)v Spiritual Protection for your Children (Neil T. Anderson & P&S Vander Hook)v A House Full of Friends – How to like the ones you love (Susan Alexander Yates)v How to Live With Your Kids – when you’ve already lost your mind (Ken Davis)v No Apologies – the truth about life, love & sex (Focus on the Family)v Families: Don’t you just love them! (Colin Piper)v Pure Excitement – a radical, righteous approach to sex, love and dating (Joe White)v What’s Right for Me? – Making good choices in relationships (Ron Herron & Val J. Peter)v Life on the Edge – A Young Adult’s Guide to a Meaningful Future (Dr. James Dobson) *** |
Home 
Sermons